Punk Rain

I am a crazy guy. I suppose this isn't news to anyone reading this. Its certainly not to me. I really wish I had a bit more control over my emotions. I broke up with Ann (previous gf) on Valentine's day. It actually went well. After I told her, I said lets go get drunk together one last time. So we went out and got wrecked and had some final physical-ness stuffs. Basically, I told her that she is a good girl, but as she already knows and isn't willing to admit, I am just not capable of giving her the attention that she requires. I need lots of alone time and I am not very outspoken in my appreciation of or my cares for people. I blame this at least partially on my screwed up childhood where rather then teach (explain to) me why we have to send thank you cards and be so polite my parents just thought it a acceptable to force me to do such things ("Because I said so!") which of course makes a child question and rebel against such a concept. So even now such situations are extremely uncomfortable for me. Its not that I'm not thankful. I just have an anxiety attack if I think I am expected to express thanks for it.

Anyways, the reason I sometimes need to distance myself from people who have grown to close is because I begin to despise them. I can become enraged over relatively trivial things. Because I am aware of these things I try to shoo away anyone I am unable to avoid. This is because I realize I just need a few increments of time to get over whatever I am preparing to blow up on. Some of the things that trigger this murderous rage inside me are obvious as I remember feeling them as I was growing up, however, many come about rather unexpectedly and even though I feel part of me is urging to kill the nearest offender, I also at the same time am completely aware of how ridiculous these feelings are, but the only way I am able to avoid taking it out on the "offender" is to get away from them (everyone?). This is usually not a big deal with friends, but girlfriends are a bit more tricky. I've tried to explain this to my previous Thai girlfriends but they just don't get it. Its just a different kind of ignorance.

Moving along... while I was hoping to be single for a while, I am no longer sure if thats a possibility. While I am feeling rather invincible on and off lately I am still hesitant. I got a few numbers last Thursday. The situation with the girl in question was rather unusual.

She is a punk. More on this soon.