I haven't complained about smoke in a while, so I figured now would be a great time! I went to a bunch of places last night and inhaled plenty of smoke, so all day I have been coughing up surprising amounts of yellow goo! I wish all you smokers would hurry up and quit or die so I can go out to (indoor places) and poison my liver each night and only have to worry about harming my own health [I don't drive here (^.-)]!!
Here are some words I picked up in the past few days:
ลามก - pervert
งับ - to chomp (I'm pretty sure it needs to be a bite from something big)
เหยียด (ขา) - straighten out (legs)
หีฮ้อย - lightning bug (first time I ever saw one in Thailand was yesterday)
ทดลอง -(to experiment)
เพิงคิดได้ - just thought of (something) a moment ago
翌日 - the next day (yoku jitsu)
集中講義 - intensive course/lectures (shuu chuu kou gi)
何故か - somehow, for some reason, without knowing why (na ze ka)
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Stress!
I didn't drink last night. And somehow I did manage to fall asleep, but I woke up after 2 hours and couldn't sleep again the rest of the night. Now its morning and I'm starting to feel the fatigue slip in. Insomnia really blows. I don't think I had it this bad in Melbourne.
Ah well. I think we all know how I'm going to have to fix this later!
Ah well. I think we all know how I'm going to have to fix this later!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Ugh
So I didn't take it easy yet again. Sometimes I can be such an ass. It was fun though hehe. I went with F and two of her friends to a lake and we just hung out. In Thailand they have these parks where they have little shops around huge lakes and little raft/dock things so you can sit out on the water. Its really nice. After that we went to some place called The Loft which is on the top floor of a hotel which is the tallest building for a few blocks. Nice view, but the place wasn't all that special and it cost too much. Then we went to Chleum Kreung (It means something like Celebration City). But the crowd was pretty young there and I wasn't really up for dancing so we changed to the Fashion House, renamed Fashion Paris for some reason. The place is great, we stayed in the trance/house room, but they also have a hip-hop room. Gateaux came along with us there. We got a bottle of red label and when Fashion closed we went to a place called Jam in Chiang Mai Land. It was too full and not terribly exciting. The two Thai guys (F's friends) were really wasted so they went home. Gateaux and I went to Easy for some food after that and then went home.
So of course I slept all day again and didn't go to school to take care of my visa. I think I am putting it off for a number of reasons. I'm worried about what classes will be offerd. If they really don't have Japanese 5, I don't really want to study there anymore. I also heard they mysteriously raised the air conditioning fees for certain classes. They just jack up the prices for the most ridiculous things. I'm gonna get so stressed out and angry. I gotta do it, but I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm trying to find schools international schools in Seoul where I can apply to study for a semester. If anybody happens to know of any, please let m know!
So of course I slept all day again and didn't go to school to take care of my visa. I think I am putting it off for a number of reasons. I'm worried about what classes will be offerd. If they really don't have Japanese 5, I don't really want to study there anymore. I also heard they mysteriously raised the air conditioning fees for certain classes. They just jack up the prices for the most ridiculous things. I'm gonna get so stressed out and angry. I gotta do it, but I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm trying to find schools international schools in Seoul where I can apply to study for a semester. If anybody happens to know of any, please let m know!
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Whachyu talkin' bout Willis?
Ok - So I managed to go home early last night in an attempt to "take it easy" and not drink. I was tired and sick. I lasted until a quarter after midnight or so. Then I went to Chiang Mai Saloon and drank until it closed, then went out to eat with my friends (the staff). Bit of a hangover, but I feel much better as far as the sickness goes. I went to the gym and because it is super-hot today,I went swimming also.
Speaking of swimming, while I was doing laps, this tiny old man with a kickboard starts doing laps along the width of the pool. He swam dreadfully slow, so every few laps I would stop and wait for a seemingly endless time before he passed out of my path. Eventually, I got fed up and turned my lap into something of an obstacle course, having to dodge both the guy and the lady swimming next to me. Um, well the point of this, aside from the absurdity of the old guy paddling back in forth in front of me, is that I developed a new stroke! Yes, its true. I was doing the good old-fashioned breast stroke, concentrating on getting the most out of each stroke, when I angled my body to swim diagonally between the two people, I felt pull in muscle areas that don't usually get much work from the breast stroke. Realizing instantly with glee that the efficiency of my discovery would possibly make me more fit if I bothered to stick to it, I tested it out for a while. As for details on how to perform this stroke, I'm not ready to reveal them to the general public. Well, not until I am sure its completely brilliant!! I've decided to name this future style of swimming the Brett Stroke. So called thus, because of my name and its similarity to the word breast! Also, being that many Thai people have trouble pronouncing my name at first and often refer to me as 'Brest' to my dismay, I figured it would be amusing.
I managed to get some more pictures from Melbourne. I'll begin posting them this weekend.
I'm also thinking about how I can use the "Remembering the Kanji" method to memorize all the Chinese characters. Being that I managed to essentially zap 300 Chinese characters into my head in 2 days and I have no doubt I will retain 80% or more of it, I think it would be quite useful to apply a similar technique for Chinese. Any thoughts on this?
Speaking of swimming, while I was doing laps, this tiny old man with a kickboard starts doing laps along the width of the pool. He swam dreadfully slow, so every few laps I would stop and wait for a seemingly endless time before he passed out of my path. Eventually, I got fed up and turned my lap into something of an obstacle course, having to dodge both the guy and the lady swimming next to me. Um, well the point of this, aside from the absurdity of the old guy paddling back in forth in front of me, is that I developed a new stroke! Yes, its true. I was doing the good old-fashioned breast stroke, concentrating on getting the most out of each stroke, when I angled my body to swim diagonally between the two people, I felt pull in muscle areas that don't usually get much work from the breast stroke. Realizing instantly with glee that the efficiency of my discovery would possibly make me more fit if I bothered to stick to it, I tested it out for a while. As for details on how to perform this stroke, I'm not ready to reveal them to the general public. Well, not until I am sure its completely brilliant!! I've decided to name this future style of swimming the Brett Stroke. So called thus, because of my name and its similarity to the word breast! Also, being that many Thai people have trouble pronouncing my name at first and often refer to me as 'Brest' to my dismay, I figured it would be amusing.
I managed to get some more pictures from Melbourne. I'll begin posting them this weekend.
I'm also thinking about how I can use the "Remembering the Kanji" method to memorize all the Chinese characters. Being that I managed to essentially zap 300 Chinese characters into my head in 2 days and I have no doubt I will retain 80% or more of it, I think it would be quite useful to apply a similar technique for Chinese. Any thoughts on this?
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Beer is Not the Best Medicine
I wasn't going to go out last night as I wasn't feeling well, but as difficult as it is for me to turn down a night of drinking, there just isn't any way I can refuse karaoke. First we (bunch of friends from school) went to 12 Huey Gaew to a private room. After that we went to a place that stays open pretty late, but has no private room. You sing on stage for that one. I sang a couple Thai songs with Kun and then one or two English. They closed pretty quickly, so we went to Godzilla and sang some more. Gateaux was completly wasted. He couldn't even talk. It was kind of funny. I got home around 4am or so. Screwed up my sleeping schedule again hehe. I gotta take it easy today.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
An Evening on the Binge
I'm still sick. Not as bad as I was, but I still feel like crap. I was hoping to go to the gym today, but I don't think I'm up for it yet. Hopefully, tomorrow.
I tried out Chinese class yesterday. Apparantly, it is a level 5 class. I attempted to fumble my way through an interview in Chinese, but it was kind of embarrassing as I've supposedly studied Chinese for quite a while now. The teacher seems pretty good. Hes very strict on pronunciation, which is fine with me. He corrected me a lot at the beginning, but by the end of the two hour class I had slowed down my speech and by the end of the class he said I had improved my ability to speak clearly considerably. We read a rather long passage which had a handful of words I haven't learned or had forgotten. There were only 2 other people in the class (both Thai girls). We read a conversation with the pinyin, then he reads it, then we cover the pinyin and try to read the characters. Throughout the class, he asks various questions about our lives relating to the new vocab. Good stuff. 6 hours/week of this, along with me hoping to catch up on vocab and speaking should have me able to converse in basic Chinese very quickly. Its about time anyways.
Some girl called me yesterday. She started speaking in English, and then switched to Thai. She said she had moved to Bangkok and was wondering when I was coming there to visit. I didn't recognize the number and although I pretended to know her, I haven't a clue who she is. I sent her a message later asking who, but I didn't get a response. I hate when that happens.
Even though I've been sick, I went out with Jiu last night after the class. In part, because I needed to get out, but more importantly, I wanted to get trashed so I could force myself back into a semi-normal sleeping schedule. We went to a place whose name was the abbreviation for Bangkok in Thai. Stupid name. They had a great promotion going on. 2 large Asahi or 3 Leo (beers), ice and peanuts for 150 baht(about $3.25). We had a heiniken, then 2 Asahi, then 6 Leo. 2 people vs 9 beers. The beer won.
F showed up somewhere in the middle of all of that beer. I hadn't seen her yet, nor been able to contact her so it was really nice. We caught up on things and after she drove us to some other bar with a bunch of her friends. I successfully got decimated and passed out. I woke up around 10am. Mission accomplished.
I tried out Chinese class yesterday. Apparantly, it is a level 5 class. I attempted to fumble my way through an interview in Chinese, but it was kind of embarrassing as I've supposedly studied Chinese for quite a while now. The teacher seems pretty good. Hes very strict on pronunciation, which is fine with me. He corrected me a lot at the beginning, but by the end of the two hour class I had slowed down my speech and by the end of the class he said I had improved my ability to speak clearly considerably. We read a rather long passage which had a handful of words I haven't learned or had forgotten. There were only 2 other people in the class (both Thai girls). We read a conversation with the pinyin, then he reads it, then we cover the pinyin and try to read the characters. Throughout the class, he asks various questions about our lives relating to the new vocab. Good stuff. 6 hours/week of this, along with me hoping to catch up on vocab and speaking should have me able to converse in basic Chinese very quickly. Its about time anyways.
Some girl called me yesterday. She started speaking in English, and then switched to Thai. She said she had moved to Bangkok and was wondering when I was coming there to visit. I didn't recognize the number and although I pretended to know her, I haven't a clue who she is. I sent her a message later asking who, but I didn't get a response. I hate when that happens.
Even though I've been sick, I went out with Jiu last night after the class. In part, because I needed to get out, but more importantly, I wanted to get trashed so I could force myself back into a semi-normal sleeping schedule. We went to a place whose name was the abbreviation for Bangkok in Thai. Stupid name. They had a great promotion going on. 2 large Asahi or 3 Leo (beers), ice and peanuts for 150 baht(about $3.25). We had a heiniken, then 2 Asahi, then 6 Leo. 2 people vs 9 beers. The beer won.
F showed up somewhere in the middle of all of that beer. I hadn't seen her yet, nor been able to contact her so it was really nice. We caught up on things and after she drove us to some other bar with a bunch of her friends. I successfully got decimated and passed out. I woke up around 10am. Mission accomplished.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Argh!
Well, I'm still sick. I haven't slept any time the sun was down in the past 5 days. I have however managed to get a few hours during the day over the weekend.
Before I went to sleep this morning, I thought I was starting to feel better, but having slept a bit, I still feel like crap. My friend Toam stopped by with some medicine and such today and yesterday her and a friend stopped by to bring me food. Thailand is a great place to get sick. Everybody is always running over to take care of you. Nobody does that anywhere else that I'm aware of (children aside). Why I remember this one time about a year or so ago, I got very sick and I sent a message to my friend asking if she could bring me some juice and medicine when she finished work that night as I was too sick to go out. She showed up with 2 other girls and I got a whirlwind of 'take care'. One kept wiping away my sweat with a warm damp towel, one sat behind giving me a massage and the other fed me med's and juice and such.
Anyways, I didn't even get out yesterday. Its rained all weekend. I have my trial Chinese class tonight. Hopefully, I can survive it. I'm also considering drinking tonight to help break my daytime sleeping schedule. Possibly not the best idea, but I just can't fall asleep. Its awful. Try to imagine what its like to essentially be trapped in your room and around 9pm, you start considering the fact that there isn't anyway you will fall asleep for at least 13-15 more hours so what should you do? My dvd-rom drive is busted, so I can't install the three games I bought in Melbourne nor can I watch any movies. So basically my 12 hour routine goes something like this, play Age of Wonders 2 30-90 minutes (or until the laptop gets too hot - it will shut off if I keep playing), review vocab program 5-10 min (all languages), review/make new kanji flashcards (RTK mnemonic system), 10-15 min, practice reading Thai stories from sea.edu and add new vocab to prog 20-30 min, read one chapter of whatever horrible book I'm reading (about to finish the third since I've been sick), make some tea, rinse and repeat. Fun stuff. I never realized I could be so productive. Of course, I wouldn't want to make this a normal schedule as I'd go insane before too long.
Before I went to sleep this morning, I thought I was starting to feel better, but having slept a bit, I still feel like crap. My friend Toam stopped by with some medicine and such today and yesterday her and a friend stopped by to bring me food. Thailand is a great place to get sick. Everybody is always running over to take care of you. Nobody does that anywhere else that I'm aware of (children aside). Why I remember this one time about a year or so ago, I got very sick and I sent a message to my friend asking if she could bring me some juice and medicine when she finished work that night as I was too sick to go out. She showed up with 2 other girls and I got a whirlwind of 'take care'. One kept wiping away my sweat with a warm damp towel, one sat behind giving me a massage and the other fed me med's and juice and such.
Anyways, I didn't even get out yesterday. Its rained all weekend. I have my trial Chinese class tonight. Hopefully, I can survive it. I'm also considering drinking tonight to help break my daytime sleeping schedule. Possibly not the best idea, but I just can't fall asleep. Its awful. Try to imagine what its like to essentially be trapped in your room and around 9pm, you start considering the fact that there isn't anyway you will fall asleep for at least 13-15 more hours so what should you do? My dvd-rom drive is busted, so I can't install the three games I bought in Melbourne nor can I watch any movies. So basically my 12 hour routine goes something like this, play Age of Wonders 2 30-90 minutes (or until the laptop gets too hot - it will shut off if I keep playing), review vocab program 5-10 min (all languages), review/make new kanji flashcards (RTK mnemonic system), 10-15 min, practice reading Thai stories from sea.edu and add new vocab to prog 20-30 min, read one chapter of whatever horrible book I'm reading (about to finish the third since I've been sick), make some tea, rinse and repeat. Fun stuff. I never realized I could be so productive. Of course, I wouldn't want to make this a normal schedule as I'd go insane before too long.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
I wanna go to the island!
Please forgive me if I'm a bit off today. I am still sick and was unable to sleep at all last night. I studied the night away. But more on this later.
The Island is absolutely the most fun I've had at the movies in quite a long time. Considering I went by myself, and I've seen almost everything that came out this year, thats pretty impressive. The action was intense. I suppose it did have some flaws and a few minor holes, but all in all, fun stuff. I may very likely go watch it again, and thats something I almost never do with my twisted memory.
Speaking of memory, during my all-nighter I studied quite a bit. I tried out James Heisig's preview of his book Remembering the Kanji and somehow managed to memorize around 150 of the characters over the course of a few hours. Just by reading through once, a number of characters remained in my head for easy access. I made flash cards for the ones that didn't make it through, and I'm pretty confident with them now. Its a great system and I just ordered the book from Amazon.
I'm getting sleepy now. To hot to go home. Maybe I will go walk around the mall to stay awake. Argh.
The Island is absolutely the most fun I've had at the movies in quite a long time. Considering I went by myself, and I've seen almost everything that came out this year, thats pretty impressive. The action was intense. I suppose it did have some flaws and a few minor holes, but all in all, fun stuff. I may very likely go watch it again, and thats something I almost never do with my twisted memory.
Speaking of memory, during my all-nighter I studied quite a bit. I tried out James Heisig's preview of his book Remembering the Kanji and somehow managed to memorize around 150 of the characters over the course of a few hours. Just by reading through once, a number of characters remained in my head for easy access. I made flash cards for the ones that didn't make it through, and I'm pretty confident with them now. Its a great system and I just ordered the book from Amazon.
I'm getting sleepy now. To hot to go home. Maybe I will go walk around the mall to stay awake. Argh.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Ill
I feel like crap. I stayed in bed until about 6pm today. Sore throat and an unpleasant cough. Thats what I get for being caught in the rain a few days ago. Oh well.
Yesterday morning I had one of the most bizarre, yet intense dreams of my entire life. I've spent nearly two hours writing about it and its still not finished. I may finish it tomorrow if I don't forget the ending.
I picked up some new words in Thai yesterday. We went to a place called '20 Baht'. So named because all the food prices were 20 baht before it moved and turned into a nightclub. The only thing you get now for 20 baht is ice. Anyways, heres the vocab:
แดก - to eat (very impolite)
บ๊วย - apricot
เหียก - gross, hideous, excessively ugly
I'm so bored. I might go see The Island tonight. Or I could just go back to bed.
Yesterday morning I had one of the most bizarre, yet intense dreams of my entire life. I've spent nearly two hours writing about it and its still not finished. I may finish it tomorrow if I don't forget the ending.
I picked up some new words in Thai yesterday. We went to a place called '20 Baht'. So named because all the food prices were 20 baht before it moved and turned into a nightclub. The only thing you get now for 20 baht is ice. Anyways, heres the vocab:
แดก - to eat (very impolite)
บ๊วย - apricot
เหียก - gross, hideous, excessively ugly
I'm so bored. I might go see The Island tonight. Or I could just go back to bed.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Too Hot
Its been terribly hot these past few days. I've just been hiding out in the internet shops and roaming around the mall. I've seen all the movies. I don't really have much to do.
I did pretty well on the Japanese test and I think I'll be placed in their highest class which is supposed to start sometime this month. It sounded like we will be listening to newscasts and writing essays. Good stuff. I will sit in on a Chinese class on Monday.
I did pretty well on the Japanese test and I think I'll be placed in their highest class which is supposed to start sometime this month. It sounded like we will be listening to newscasts and writing essays. Good stuff. I will sit in on a Chinese class on Monday.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Goodbye Old Friend
He was never one to go without a fight and this last one was no exception. Smaller and much less attractive than his brothers, my lower left wisdom tooth was cut into thirds and forcibly removed from my jaw with some rather intimidating instruments that looked suspiciously similar to a screwdriver. More than five hours later and my mouth is still kind of numb. I managed to eat, but it was tricky as I had no feeling in the bottom of my mouth. I have something of a dull ache in my jaw, but no serious pain. Now if I can just keep the food out of the gaping hole in my mouth, all should be well.
I went to check out two schools (Chinese and Japanese), down the street and I somehow managed to inquire prices and schedules without drooling too much. I'm taking a Japanese placement test tomorrow and I'm gonna try out a Chinese class on Monday. I'm excited.
I went to check out two schools (Chinese and Japanese), down the street and I somehow managed to inquire prices and schedules without drooling too much. I'm taking a Japanese placement test tomorrow and I'm gonna try out a Chinese class on Monday. I'm excited.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Godzilla vs Mothra
Last night I went out with Jiu and a friend of his named Kevin (from CT). We went to Warm Up for a bit and then to some place called Godzilla following that. It was a real dive. We went into the karaoke room and after I was suitably inebriated, I sang a few Thai songs to everyones delight. Or at least thats how I remember it. Jiu left because he had to work and Kevin vanished at some point and I just hung out with this girl I met and she gave me a lift home around 5am. It was a lot of fun.
Tonight I'm getting my wisdom tooth extracted. Since I've been to the dentist lately, I've taken in a number of new Thai words related to dentistry. The most frightening one is ผ่าฟันคุด which transltes to something along the lines of rip/tear-out deformed tooth. Thats what they wrote on my appointment card. Why couldn't they just write ถอนฟัน (extract tooth) ? Bah.
In regards to the recent comments of late, I'd just like to say thanks. Based on my traffic reports, I can see that some people actually read this stuff and its nice to get intelligent responses about my thoughts on occasion.
Tonight I'm getting my wisdom tooth extracted. Since I've been to the dentist lately, I've taken in a number of new Thai words related to dentistry. The most frightening one is ผ่าฟันคุด which transltes to something along the lines of rip/tear-out deformed tooth. Thats what they wrote on my appointment card. Why couldn't they just write ถอนฟัน (extract tooth) ? Bah.
In regards to the recent comments of late, I'd just like to say thanks. Based on my traffic reports, I can see that some people actually read this stuff and its nice to get intelligent responses about my thoughts on occasion.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Back Home
I've been back in Thailand since Tuesday morning. Its hot, but not brutally so. I met up with a few friends, rejoined the gym ($125 - 6 months), got my teeth cleaned ($10) and filled a cavity ($10). I'm getting my impacted tooth pulled on Monday. That should be fun. I went dentist-hunting with Sean and we found a great place with very fair prices. Good stuff.
Things ended up working out with Lia. Sorry I never got around to mentioning that. She understood eventually and we spent my last few days together. She also booked tickets with her sister to Malaysia at the end of next month. And they plan to spend a month here. I'm going to look into studying in Seoul next year.
I had lunch with Pop yesterday. It was nice to see her.
Last night I went out with Wad, Gateaux, Aww and Tai. We got trashed at a nightclub called Architect and then headed to Fashion House which has moved to a new location. Much closer to my house. Its improved dramatically, but the prices sure haven't. 130 baht for a small heinekin! Thats more than $3. Crazy. Gotta stick to whiskey in those places.
I'm mighty sore today from working out combined with a rather nasty hangover so I've been pretty lazy. I'm working on translating some Korean stuff people wrote to me before I left. If anything interesting comes up I'll put it up. I have a journal that I have people write something to me that I can read on the plane whenever I leave one country and go to another. They must write in their native language. So far I have, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Burmese, Thai, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, German, French, Russian and English. I can't read all of them, but I'll get around to it eventually.
Things ended up working out with Lia. Sorry I never got around to mentioning that. She understood eventually and we spent my last few days together. She also booked tickets with her sister to Malaysia at the end of next month. And they plan to spend a month here. I'm going to look into studying in Seoul next year.
I had lunch with Pop yesterday. It was nice to see her.
Last night I went out with Wad, Gateaux, Aww and Tai. We got trashed at a nightclub called Architect and then headed to Fashion House which has moved to a new location. Much closer to my house. Its improved dramatically, but the prices sure haven't. 130 baht for a small heinekin! Thats more than $3. Crazy. Gotta stick to whiskey in those places.
I'm mighty sore today from working out combined with a rather nasty hangover so I've been pretty lazy. I'm working on translating some Korean stuff people wrote to me before I left. If anything interesting comes up I'll put it up. I have a journal that I have people write something to me that I can read on the plane whenever I leave one country and go to another. They must write in their native language. So far I have, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Burmese, Thai, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, German, French, Russian and English. I can't read all of them, but I'll get around to it eventually.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Singapore
I just got off the plane at Changi. I have about 90 minutes before I board for Chiang Mai. The weather looks like rain there. Its 27/80 degrees here. Probably worse in Chiang Mai.
I exceeded the baggage limit by quite a bit, but I talked to the airline-rep-lady about 30 minutes. I gave her the run-down of the past two and a half years of my life and she was quite entranced so she let me out of paying the $90 which I thought I would have to pay when the conversation began. Good stuff.
When I get back to Chiang Mai, I need a haircut. And I really should get one of my wisdom teeth pulled. Its been driving me crazy lately. Or I may just sleep all day. We'll see.
I exceeded the baggage limit by quite a bit, but I talked to the airline-rep-lady about 30 minutes. I gave her the run-down of the past two and a half years of my life and she was quite entranced so she let me out of paying the $90 which I thought I would have to pay when the conversation began. Good stuff.
When I get back to Chiang Mai, I need a haircut. And I really should get one of my wisdom teeth pulled. Its been driving me crazy lately. Or I may just sleep all day. We'll see.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Heading Home
I have about 14 hours or so until I need to go to the airport. I'll be spending the day with Lia (problem fixed) and packing and repacking my stuff so I don't go over the weight limit on the flight. I'll arrive in Thailand mid-morning on Wed.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Bombs in London
Multiple bombs went off in London a few hours ago during rush hour. There are over 40 confirmed dead and more than 1000 injured. At least three subway cars in the Tube were hit. At least one bus was detonated as well.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Love vs Obsession
Ok - This post may get a little strange. I'm having a bit of a crisis, but I'm not as worried as i was an hour ago. In fact, even though I've had a couple beers and a brisk walk to calm me down since the trouble began, I'm still stressed a little bit.
You see, I'm a bit sensitive about certain things. Firstly, I would say this applies to any acquaintance of mine, of which I am at least slightly fond of, whom I view as either defenseless or not terribly interested in/and or aware of how they can defend themselves in any given situation. I don't like to argue for myself much, perhaps because thats what I did for the entire first 20 years or so of my life. Secondly, I am very defensive of my close friends and girlfriend(s). Having said that, I must make it clear that I am even more sensitive about things that directly prod my sense of self. While people outside my sphere of acquaintance don't generally apply except on rare instances, the opinios of people within those boundaries and their opinions have great value in my psyche. I would like to expand on this line of thought longer, but its best if I get back towards the title. I felt it was necessary to give my reader(s) a basic idea of how I view relationships.
As for love, I hold the partial belief that I have been in love 5 times. I'm tempted to name them, but maybe thats not a good idea. T-Y-P-N-L should be enough for those who know me. This is not to say that I haven't gone berserk over other girls before. Like when I sunburned NN into my back when I was a severely depressed 13-yr-old fat kid madly obsessed with a girl who I'd never spoken with in my class. But I seperated her and other similar feelings from these 5 and called it love.
This year, for the first time, I started to think about my feelings toward these people and what that meant. What is love? If this is love, why does it always make me miserable? This line of thinking begins to point me in another direction.
I'm starting to think that the word 'love' is just crap. The way I view a person is based on a number of factors. These would be based on my intentions with them as well as my expectations of them as acquaintances/friends. When I look back about the 5 girls I've supposedly loved, I'm left to wonder what that really meant.
Ok, I have been drinking a little. However, these are things I think about and really want to discuss, but writing this kind of stuff when I'm completly sober is absurd. Heh, its absurd when I'm drinking also I suppose. No worries!
Tonight, Lia seemed to be acting a bit strange. I've seen her like this a couple times. She gets like this when angry or upset. She doesn't let negative emotions out easily. We had a really nice day. She came to meet me quite late, but I adjusted the plans rather than stress about it. We went and saw The Machinist, and then went to my place where she made dinner and such. It was very nice, but still a bit different than the past few days. Looking back on the evening now, the possibility exists that it began as a misunderstanding. I'm not too sure. It was getting late so I walked her to the tram. Neither of us said a word. It felt very awkward for me, but I didn't know what to say. I had started to get a little angry, as she never tells me if something is bothering her and I have to drag it out of her. Perhaps I overreacted, but while we were on the bench waiting for her tram, at one point in frustration, I left out an exlamation in Korean, which I had learned recently and seen used repeatedly in a war movie I watched the night before. It is a swear word that can be used for numerous English equivlants. I meant it in the manner of "oh Sht, this situation sucks" - or something like that. She took it as "F-You!". And I fear that may be the end of Lia. When it first hit me how seriously she was taking the situation, I almost cried a bit. But I've trained myself against such things. If I truly love someone, I can let them go. If its a misunderstanding, I can only do my best to make that clear to them before moving on. If I call/msg her a lot and bother her to come back,maybe its just obsession? I'm not sure. I may write more on this soon. Of course, I might not. Now I should give sleep a chance and I'll find out soon enough if I am returning to Thailand single or not. I'll be alright either way. Don't worry about me. It is a bit sad to lose a 'keeper', but at the same time, there is something to be said with my emotional state at the moment. I know everything will be ok. Its not going to kill or ruin me in any permanent way. I no longer live in the past or the future. Only the present really matters.
You see, I'm a bit sensitive about certain things. Firstly, I would say this applies to any acquaintance of mine, of which I am at least slightly fond of, whom I view as either defenseless or not terribly interested in/and or aware of how they can defend themselves in any given situation. I don't like to argue for myself much, perhaps because thats what I did for the entire first 20 years or so of my life. Secondly, I am very defensive of my close friends and girlfriend(s). Having said that, I must make it clear that I am even more sensitive about things that directly prod my sense of self. While people outside my sphere of acquaintance don't generally apply except on rare instances, the opinios of people within those boundaries and their opinions have great value in my psyche. I would like to expand on this line of thought longer, but its best if I get back towards the title. I felt it was necessary to give my reader(s) a basic idea of how I view relationships.
As for love, I hold the partial belief that I have been in love 5 times. I'm tempted to name them, but maybe thats not a good idea. T-Y-P-N-L should be enough for those who know me. This is not to say that I haven't gone berserk over other girls before. Like when I sunburned NN into my back when I was a severely depressed 13-yr-old fat kid madly obsessed with a girl who I'd never spoken with in my class. But I seperated her and other similar feelings from these 5 and called it love.
This year, for the first time, I started to think about my feelings toward these people and what that meant. What is love? If this is love, why does it always make me miserable? This line of thinking begins to point me in another direction.
I'm starting to think that the word 'love' is just crap. The way I view a person is based on a number of factors. These would be based on my intentions with them as well as my expectations of them as acquaintances/friends. When I look back about the 5 girls I've supposedly loved, I'm left to wonder what that really meant.
Ok, I have been drinking a little. However, these are things I think about and really want to discuss, but writing this kind of stuff when I'm completly sober is absurd. Heh, its absurd when I'm drinking also I suppose. No worries!
Tonight, Lia seemed to be acting a bit strange. I've seen her like this a couple times. She gets like this when angry or upset. She doesn't let negative emotions out easily. We had a really nice day. She came to meet me quite late, but I adjusted the plans rather than stress about it. We went and saw The Machinist, and then went to my place where she made dinner and such. It was very nice, but still a bit different than the past few days. Looking back on the evening now, the possibility exists that it began as a misunderstanding. I'm not too sure. It was getting late so I walked her to the tram. Neither of us said a word. It felt very awkward for me, but I didn't know what to say. I had started to get a little angry, as she never tells me if something is bothering her and I have to drag it out of her. Perhaps I overreacted, but while we were on the bench waiting for her tram, at one point in frustration, I left out an exlamation in Korean, which I had learned recently and seen used repeatedly in a war movie I watched the night before. It is a swear word that can be used for numerous English equivlants. I meant it in the manner of "oh Sht, this situation sucks" - or something like that. She took it as "F-You!". And I fear that may be the end of Lia. When it first hit me how seriously she was taking the situation, I almost cried a bit. But I've trained myself against such things. If I truly love someone, I can let them go. If its a misunderstanding, I can only do my best to make that clear to them before moving on. If I call/msg her a lot and bother her to come back,maybe its just obsession? I'm not sure. I may write more on this soon. Of course, I might not. Now I should give sleep a chance and I'll find out soon enough if I am returning to Thailand single or not. I'll be alright either way. Don't worry about me. It is a bit sad to lose a 'keeper', but at the same time, there is something to be said with my emotional state at the moment. I know everything will be ok. Its not going to kill or ruin me in any permanent way. I no longer live in the past or the future. Only the present really matters.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Update
Erm, it seems that I will be online at my new place after all. Its a really nice place, but its only 1-bedroom, which I hadn't realized. While, I don't mind sleeping on a couch, or even the floor for a week, I can forsee a number of problems that may arise due to the fact that I can't go to sleep until my roommate and his girlfriend do so. We shall see how this goes. I'll try not to worry too much.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Ill - Moving - Offline
I've been pretty sick all day today. Maybe the flu or something. I've run out of medicine and I can't really buy anymore tonight. Sucks for me.
Lia came over again today and we watched Untold Scandal, a Korean movie based by a certain novel by the name of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, which has spawned at least 3 movies in the US of which I'm aware. It was actually very good. The acting was very impressive, and as it was set in the Confucian-based Joseon Dynasty, it had lots of interesting takes on the story. The premise of course is still the same. Good stuff indeed.
I'm moving into the city tomorrow, so I may not get a chance to update again until I'm back in Thailand. I'll see what happens. I have no clue if they place I'm staying has internet or not. It would be nice.
Lia came over again today and we watched Untold Scandal, a Korean movie based by a certain novel by the name of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, which has spawned at least 3 movies in the US of which I'm aware. It was actually very good. The acting was very impressive, and as it was set in the Confucian-based Joseon Dynasty, it had lots of interesting takes on the story. The premise of course is still the same. Good stuff indeed.
I'm moving into the city tomorrow, so I may not get a chance to update again until I'm back in Thailand. I'll see what happens. I have no clue if they place I'm staying has internet or not. It would be nice.
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